Wow – it’s really been almost two years since the last time I sat down to write out my thoughts, in case anyone was looking for insight into my life. I’ve blogged for so long, this is something I do as long as I remember it. I usually don’t think about this blog half the time – that is, until I go through my Google Keep notes to find a list of blog topics I was supposed to write about 3 years ago.
I’m always in awe of those who are so creative, write poems, go live, post a picture on a consistent basis. The only thing consistent about me is that I’ll most likely post something about trash astrology when I realize it’s been too bare on my pages. Where it looks like I’ve become one of those millennials who “forgot.” Those folks who are too busy to post pictures or “are rarely ever on Facebook/Instagram anymore with everything going on.” Please. You know you follow someone you hate just to see what’s going on in their lives, even though you don’t post a damn thing to your own accounts. These are also the people who are adults. And practice it.
I still don’t feel like an adult. This sucks, but you know what – it is what it is. I’m feeling good. My life is at a good point and I feel some changes coming soon. The last time I posted a blog, I also made a TikTok video. I made one again today, in honor of National Diabetes Month. I haven’t done anything in recent years like I would in the past, but I wanted to make at least one.
So there it is. I don’t think I ever written about the fact that I didn’t have any symptoms when I was diagnosed. I didn’t feel strange, I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was that my blood sugar was out of range, but even then, I didn’t understand what that meant. I went with it because, what else was I supposed to do. I was seven.
I’ve been seeing some posts about screen for Type 1 now. I’m happy to see that, because my daughter will have to be screened eventually. It’s a harsh reality that I’ve had to come to grips with. I don’t know if it’d be better to be me or be someone like my mom going through this. Is it better that I live with it and understand the battle? I’m going to say yes. From an emotionally scarred standpoint, I’d always understand.
As I get older, I’ve realized that there’s a lot I never addressed when it came to living with diabetes. I’ve just been doing it. Dealing with it, day by day. But never really THINKING about it. There is no time for pity or sadness when you have to learn how to think like an organ, stay in range, figure out how to pay for your supplies, and frankly, figure out how to stay alive in this world. But recently, in my own mental health journey of coming to grips with trauma and understanding how to accept and love myself completely, I’ve also been grieving a life I didn’t get a chance to live. Sure, my life looked normal and it was “normal for me” but it isn’t the normal that everyone else knows and understands as “normal.”
A few weeks ago, Kerri Sparling, @sixuntilme on Instagram posted this.
When I read this, it felt like I was reading my personal experience. This is how common our self-care management behaviors are – they’re so similar. It spoke to me so directly that I cried at the end. I even left Kerri a comment saying so. You don’t realize how much you want this to be over until someone says it out loud. There is no end to this.
Like I said before, it is what it is. I’m blessed to be living the life I live with the people who love me. I’m grateful for the support network which includes my professional family. That’s all I can control today.
Diabetes Types A Blog 